Increasingly, I’ve been abandoning the single-player version of Minecraft to build cooperatively with my internet friends. Gryfft has set up a server and named it “Zomboland,” after a certain webpage where you can do anything. And indeed, you can do anything in Zomboland! You can explore the mountains and caves, build towers, mine for gold, fight zombies and giant spiders, or whatever else you imagine. In Minecraft, you define your own experience, and it’s so much more fun to do so with friends.

A month or two ago, I undertook a new building project, the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library. Named after a certain fictional wizard, it was going to be a symbol of the ceaseless joys of bewonderment. Unfortunately, a server crash eradicated several days’ worth of work, and when I saw the setback, I lost all motivation. The half-finished husk of the Libe remained, incomplete and vacant.

But then I got to work. Deep underground, I began building again, harvesting reeds in an underground reed vault. Caverns were excavated, trees felled, reeds pressed into pages and pages of books. And Friday, April 1st marked the Grand Opening of the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library.

Zombolandians gather for the Grand Opening of the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

Jackson gives a tour of the atrium of the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

Jackson gives a tour of the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

a second floor study room in the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

Gryfft peruses the shelves at the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

The Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library has indoor plumbing, and even public restrooms!

It even has restrooms! Gryfft was inordinately enamored of the restrooms.

Ceremony attendees pose on the steps in the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Library

All in all, it was a good time with a good turnout. Before the ceremony, Gryfft and I each gave a speech to commemorate the occasion, the transcript of which you may find below.

[DeathbyChiasmus] Welcome, one and all, to the Grand Opening of the Zazzerpan the Learned Memorial Library Memorial Li
[DeathbyChiasmus] brary.
[DeathbyChiasmus] I had to take a breath there.
[DeathbyChiasmus] The original Library represented a major investment of effort…
[DeathbyChiasmus] …which, sadly, was all undone in a server crash.
[DeathbyChiasmus] the half-completed library stands on the surface now.
[DeathbyChiasmus] a casualty, if you will, of a doomed timeline.
[DeathbyChiasmus] But we! We, the living, the crafting, we who bring order to chaos, who fight against the tide…
[DeathbyChiasmus] …we REMEMBER the old library, and carry it with us in our hearts, wherever we go.
[gryfft] Hear hear!
[DeathbyChiasmus] well, except Kassie, who was not here then. But still.
[aeromachia] I appreciate the spirit of such things nonetheless /singletear
[DeathbyChiasmus] whenever we remember, we honor Zazzerpan the Learned.
[DeathbyChiasmus] His vast knowledge.
[DeathbyChiasmus] and more importantly, his WISDOM.
[DeathbyChiasmus] for wisdom can only be gained through experience.
[DeathbyChiasmus] so, we stand here today in this Library,
[DeathbyChiasmus] a monument to wisdom and learning,
[DeathbyChiasmus] and to the memories that make us who we are.
* gryfft sniffles
[DeathbyChiasmus] Gryfft, would you like to say a few words?
[gryfft] I… I think I would
[DeathbyChiasmus] go to town, sir.
[gryfft] My beloved Zombans.
[gryfft] Citizens of our fair server. Righteous and true, defenders of this place since time immemorial.
[gryfft] Except Kassie, but she has fought the old fight by knowing what MSPA is.
[gryfft] Suck it, everybody else.
[gryfft] What I am trying to say here, is,
[gryfft] Zazzerpan would have wanted it this way.
[gryfft] If he were here today, surely his wizened gaze would shrivel even the slightest compunction toward e
[gryfft] vil in our hearts.
[gryfft] I, too, breathe.
[gryfft] Did Zazzerpan? We may never know. Some say he breathed fire.
[gryfft] What we know for sure is that this is gonna be %$# awesome and Jackson rules.
[gryfft] Thank you.